Michael 'Wanna Be Just Like Rush' Berry

Michael 'Wanna Be Just Like Rush' Berry
Click On Mike's Face To See His Favorite Houston Hot Spot!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I Wanna Be A Country Boy; Yee Haw...

By P.J. Jackson

Michael Berry, I don’t know where to start. You have been a very bad boy, running out of advertisers and talking about those damn gun shops.

You try to play yourself off like some Texas hillbilly, but we know better; don’t we Mike. Do you think your diehard listeners know you went to the University of Nottingham in England? I am willing to bet that 90 percent don’t, nor do they even have a clue where Nottingham is; most probably think it was some attraction at the renaissance festival.

You have your listeners snowed, all that country music you play and pretend to love; what a joke. You’re about as country as Woody Allen, and not nearly as smart.

I hope you have a plan B; you’re going to need it. This radio gig ain't lasting much longer, all these sponsors are running for cover. You can thank your buddy Limbaugh for that, maybe you can strike a deal with Sirius radio; that’s where Rush is headed.

I came across these smart ass rules for life, and I thought of you Mike. I can hear the hate in your voice every day, and it makes me sick.

So I would guess these are the rules you probably live by.

 Michael Berry's (Smart-Ass) INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. (Especially when giving them grief.)

Memorize your favorite poem. (Teach foreigners the theme song to your favorite TV show and tell them it's a traditional American folk song about a fabled three hour tour.)

Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (But all-you-can-eat is okay.)

When you say, "I love you", mean it. (...mean it as "I need regular sex and someone to listen to my problems at all hours of the night, and occasionally bail me out of jail, so you'll do until someone better comes along.")

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. (People will believe _anything_ if you look them in the eye.)

Be engaged at least six months before you get married. (Heck, be engaged at least six _times_ before you get married.)

Believe in love at first sight. (Believe in leprechauns, for that matter.)

Never laugh at anyone's dreams(, unless they're, like, really, really stupid dreams).

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely(, unless it kills you).

In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling(, you dickweed).

Don't judge people by their relatives. (But would you eat at a delicatessen run by Dennis Dahmer?)

Talk slow but think quick. (Shoot first and ask questions later.)

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" (But would Kenneth Starr accept it?)

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk(, and you'll probably lose.)

Call your mom. (Conduct a seance if necessary.)

Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. (They are infested with demons that must be banished.)

When you lose, don't lose the lesson. (And the lesson is: "Vengeance!")

Remember the three R's: (Rock 'n' roll radio?) Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions. (and remember that Revenge is the fourth R.)

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship(, unless it's about something important, like money or sex or who's right).

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. (Unless no one knows that you're responsible for it; then it's probably best to lie low and wait for it to blow over.)

Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice(, and then he'll think to himself "Aha. Here's a sucker who will buy my insurance/magazine/siding/religion.")

Marry a man/woman you love to talk to(, although technically it's illegal to marry a man/woman here in Virginia.) As you get older, his/her conversational skills will be as important as any other(, and you can always get a younger mistress for the non-talking parts.)

Spend some time alone. (Your friends will appreciate it.)

Open your arms to change(, and your palms to spare change), but don't let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer(, especially if the question is "Any volunteers?")

Read more books and watch less TV(, or compromise and read more TV Guide).

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time. (But you'll probably have a better retirement fund if you live a bad, dishonorable life.)

Trust in God but lock your car. (Although God could probably get into your car if He really wanted to.)

A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home. (Kill your family if they don't cooperate.)

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past(, like you did last spring, and don't you dare deny it. Maybe you don't remember how you're always bringing up the past, but I do!)

Read between the lines.

(31.5. For example, read this.)

Share your knowledge. (Pontificate every chance you get. Stop strangers to give them helpful grooming advice.) It's a way to achieve immortality(, at least until they perfect cloning).

Be gentle with the earth. (Oh come on. The Earth is old enough to take care of herself.)

Pray. There's immeasurable power in it. (But every now and then God gets a little tired of people always pestering Him for things -- especially when He's just rented a video and settled down with a bucket of popcorn -- so He'll fling a meteor at the next whiner who bothers Him.)

Never interrupt when you are being flattered. (For example, if your boss comes up to you and says, "Larry, this is an _excellent_ report that you wrote. I'm putting you on the top of the list for the next promotion", don't interrupt to point out that Bob wrote it.)

Mind your own business. (But the president's sex life _is_ my business.)

Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss them. (It's called cringing. They always do it with me.)

Once a year, go someplace you've never been before(, like school).

If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction. (Well, that and all the stuff you can buy.)

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck. (When I was four years old, I wanted panda fur and scales down my back like a stegosaurus. I still do.)

Learn the rules then break some. (Start simple. Begin by breaking the Infield Fly Rule and work your way up to breaking the Second Law of Thermodynamics.)

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other. (For example, I love money more than I actually need it.)

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. (Keep a balance book with two columns: "gains"/"losses")

Remember that your character is your destiny. (Uh-oh.)

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon(, but if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen -- or else sweat heavily and use potholders).

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Michael Berry: Where Are My Advertisers Going ?

By P.J. Jackson

Dear Michael,

I was listening to the show on Friday, and you seemed kind of down; and there was sure a lot of your regular advertisers M.I.A.

I know living your life must be tough these days, with a full assault on conservative wing nuts like yourself. I know somewhere, when your alone and no one else is around you must think; “How did I become this awful man” “Why is my mind and heart so full of hate.”

You see Mike, because your party (GOP) has dumbed America so much and more over your listeners (Limbaugh’s Too) they think that since more people seem to be listening to your show you have to be doing just fine.

Well Mike, we both know that’s not the case. Like Rush, advertisers have had enough of the hate train. You can have all the listeners in the world, but if the advertising dollars are not there, well we all know what happens then.

Limbaugh fools his audience, as do you. You lead them to believe that the show is doing so well, when in fact advertisers are dropping like flies and not ever coming back.

You Mike, have been in radio long enough to know advertisers drive the machine and without them no matter how many people chose to listen to your show or Limbaugh’s, there will have to be changes made.

Sorry Friday was such a crappy day Mike; don’t look for the first week of April to be any better.

I know you must remember the great Molly Ivins; she was a close friend of the family. So you must know that when you got on Molly’s bad side, you were there to stay. W. knew that very well, so did Perry.

So Mike, you and Perry are on my naughty list, and your there to stay.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Michael Berry Didn’t Get His Pony

By P.J. Jackson

Dear Mike,

I really don’t like you, in fact I can’t stand you and all that you represent.

Your tireless rants directed at minorities, and those unable to defend themselves. Hearing the joy you take in consistently running down those who have little or nothing at all, makes me sick to my stomach.

Sure, I can turn the station; but that would take away the privilege of hearing your wonderful advertisers that support the hate that you spew from your mouth.

I dearly love the city of Houston, and you are a stain on the radio airwaves of this great city. Do you have any compassion? Do you really believe that children should go hungry, that they should have no place to lay their heads at night?

I ask you these things, because you seem to take so much joy in the pain of others. You have lived a damn good life, and that is not what I take issue with; Michael.

Your constant desire to belittle those of few means makes me sad for you, but it also makes me angry at the same time.

The way you talk about ‘black people’ well, that sounds just like a good old boy from the south; and I believe you are truly a racist man.

The endless rants on Shelia Jackson Lee, Roland Martin, The Reverend Al Sharpton are sickening. The way you throw around the ‘N’ word, and laugh while doing it; is appalling to say the least.

I am here to stay Mike, and I will be on your ass every time you make an ‘Oops’ and that is an everyday thing for you.

I wrote this last bit for your buddy Rush, about 6 months ago; but it applies to you as well.

If I was Michael Berry (I Thank God every night I am not) I would write something like this.

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments have hurt and angered many people in Houston who genuinely care about people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.

Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 41 years, I've made lots of money, built a great career, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a cold beer, but it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.

I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.
The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, shit-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What am I doing?"

What is wrong with me?

I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.

What I should really do is just commit suicide. I have this little Sunday ritual I started around the time I got busted in that gay bar, where I climb into my Jacuzzi and put a gun in my mouth. But I can never work up the guts to pull the trigger. A few times I came close to overdosing on prescription pills, but my damn doctors were always there to save me. If I had any sense, I would just hole myself up in a Motel 6 with a case of Jack Daniel's and slowly drink myself into the gaping maw of death itself.

I've imagined my death a thousand times over, and it's always the same. In my mind's eye, a serene setting comes into view. I see a funeral procession driving down Main Street in Houston Texas, U.S.A. On one side of the street, a collection of sycophants and morons are paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, I can just make out the faint image of a young boy, his brow furrowed in confusion, clutching the hand of his father. "Who is that man, Daddy?" he asks as the hearse containing my bloated, lifeless body rolls by. "Who is that person they speak of?" The father will then lower his head and say, "There, my son, go the remains of Michael Berry, the most abominable lump of festering dog shit in the history of American broadcasting. May the likes of him never again soil or tarnish the greatness of our fair country." 

Be sure to check out his Twitter Time Line, it will most likely make you sick to your stomach; but you need to see what a sorry ass pig he is.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Michael Berry: Conservative "Blow the Mosque Up" Radio Host in Gay-Bar Hit-and-Run, Report Says (UPDATED)

Michael Berry (b. November 10, 1970) is a talk show host on KTRH radio, based in Houston, Texas.

Berry was a three-term Houston city councilman, elected at-large (citywide). He graduated magna cum laude from the University of Houston with a bachelor of arts degree in political science, earned a Doctor of Jurisprudence degree from the University of Texas School of Law, and earned a Master of Laws and Letters degree from the University of Nottingham in England.

He was named "Councilman of the Year" by the Houston Police Officers Union. Berry is co-host of the Face-Off segment on Fox 26 News.

He portrayed the role of Ricky's Father in the 2006 Billy S. Cox III film Mindsight.

He has been heard nationally as a fill-in for Citadel Media syndicated talk show host Mark Levin.

He is married to Nandita "Nandy" Berry, a lawyer who hails from Hyderabad, India.

Controversy about proposed New York mosque

On May 26, 2010, regarding the Muslim community center proposed to be built near Ground Zero in NYC; Berry said on his program that if it was completed, "I hope that someone blows it up". The following day, he expressed partial regret, issuing a statement which said in part, “I apologize to you, my listeners, for insulting your intelligence and saying something so stupid. I do not apologize, however, for my opinion that that mosque should not be built."

Below, is a link with current companies that sponsor the Michael Berry hate fest on local Houston radio 740 KTRH. As the months go by, I will focus more attention on Mr. Berry. Please, click on link. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Michael Berry Actually Gay ?

Is Houston conservative talk radio star and noted homophobe Michael Berry actually gay?

According to the bouncer at T.C.’s Show Bar in Montrose, Michael Berry left the club, where he was attending as a patron, at 11:00 PM on January 31. The bouncer, Tuderia Bennett, said Berry drove in reverse for 70 feet, hit Bennett’s car, and drove away. Bennett wrote down the license plate, which was registered to Berry, and identified Berry in a photograph. Security footage of Berry inside the club has been turned over to police. Local station KPRC broke the news.

Berry peddles the usual fear and loathing of liberals, immigrants, minorities, et al. on his three-hour talk show on KTRH and KPRC. He got national attention in 2010 when he said, regarding a mosque near “Ground Zero,” “I hope the mosque isn't built, and if it is, I hope it's blown up, and I mean that."

But he’s also more than your average hatemonger. He’s a notable local figure, a three-term former city councilmember who ran for mayor in 2003 and has a JD from the University of Texas School of Law.

You wouldn’t know it to listen to his show, though. Full of racist and xenophobic tweets, his Twitter account @MichaelBerrySho also indicates that Berry has an active imagination when it comes to homosexuality:

Feb. 5: What Elton John is doing backstage right now would get him beheaded in Saudi Arabia unless the king joined in. #superbowl

Feb. 5: Eli Manning gets sacked more than Barney Frank's interns

Feb. 3: I'm dying to know when Queen will endorse Mittens, since Adam Lambert has a mancrush on Mr Taxachoosits.

Berry is now the featured “winner” on gayhomophobe.com, which tracks anti-gay public figures who are caught in compromising circumstances.